When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
