Just cropdusted the office
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
