so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
