Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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