I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
