i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
