yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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