I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
