I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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