OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
birth control should be required to get into college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize