So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize