Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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