i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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