JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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