I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
