This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ttyl tear gas
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
