dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Life is so much better after having sex.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize