I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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