i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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