Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
