i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
