yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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