You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
