hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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