We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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