Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
