white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
