anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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