she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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