Pants 0. Shit 1.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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