I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
