How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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