Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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