1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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