BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
