cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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