oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
