3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
