I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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