so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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