I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
