I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize