i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
