See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish you could order shots online.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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