I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
