i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
