I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
