I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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