I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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