I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He has the fingertips of a God
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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