Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
