he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize