she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
