You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
