You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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