i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i drank out of a bidet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
