It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
