the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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