ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
