Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
