in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
