I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize