garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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