I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
