Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
