is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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