Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it because I queefed?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
