Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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