Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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