Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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