every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
