ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They took my balls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
