When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
