Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
