you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
