Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
