Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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