you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have aggressive nipples.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
